Hypnosis

So, I downloaded this Deep Relaxation Hypnosis App and gave it a try last night. I was hopeful, but a little apprehensive. I have a mind that doesn't like being told what to do. Not by anyone, including myself - even when the advice is in my best interest. We fight. Me and the old brain. We get down and have a good, dirty tussle about once a week. I usually win - but sometimes it sucker punches me, resulting in mood swings, bad language and bad decisions.

(Rolls eyes upwards. You know what I'm talking about.)

I also just drank a cup of coffee and figured that alone was going to ruin my ability to lay still and listen to some creep tell me how to relax. (I just figured he'd be a creep. Come on, who talks to people like that? Creeps. Don't touch me while I'm under, you creepy perv.)

Well, he wasn't a creep. He was Australian. Which means he very well could have been a creep, but he had a sexy, deep accent so I was okay with it. (You can touch me. Just a little though. I have boundaries.) He was cool. I was laying in the bed in total darkness with Darren's (his name is Darren) echoed  voice in my ear buds with some spacey music behind him.

I started to relax faster than I thought I would. I noticed my breathing immediately. It takes forever for me to get to the point of long, deep breaths. I live my life in short, shallow breaths so I was surprised to find myself there so fast. My first intention was to fight it. I suffer  from sleep apnea and I know that when the deep breathing part of my sleep starts, so does the part where I stop breathing altogether. It sucks. It's always when I get really relaxed. It feels like I take a long, satisfying exhale ... ... ... and drift off ... and then forget to inhale again. And then I snap awake gasping for air. It sucks. Did I say that already? Well, it does.

I really wanted this to work so I told myself to just go with it. I reminded myself that people who are open to being hypnotized are more likely to be - and that this was for my own good, so just go with it. Don't fight it and don't be scared. Darren was at number 5 in the countdown, (Or was it a count UP? I can't remember.) and I noticed I was smiling. Just a little. That almost snapped me out of it again. "What are you smiling about, Dummy? If Corban walks up here and sees you smiling he's going to ask questions. Or make fun of you." "Oh, shut up, Dianne. There's nothing wrong with smiling. It's a good thing. Quit trying to ruin this. And quit worrying about what other people think about you." "Fine, you're right. Sorry. Wait. What number are we on?" "Shhhhhh!"

Then Darren said 10. Or 1. Can't remember. But what I do remember is that I felt like I was suspended in the middle of an enormous bowl of mashed potatoes. Not in a suffocating way. I was floating, but not in air. I felt like my gums were made out of thick foam. I don't remember the breathing. I was very much coherent and aware of what he was saying and the directions he was giving me, but much more focused on how relaxed I felt. I felt like my legs were bent, though I know they weren't. It's sort of like the body-high from getting stoned, but none of the anxiety. None, zero, zip.

I had given in. I didn't think I could do it, but I totally gave in and relaxed and enjoyed every bit of it. I slept peacefully then woke up on my neighbors balcony, naked and clucking like a chicken.

Nahhh. No I didn't. Seriously, It was pretty cool and I highly recommend trying it. And yes, I will be taking Darren to bed with me often, methinks. Anyway. just wanted to share.

 "Darren isn't all that attractive if you were wondering. We saw a video of him." "Really? You had to mention that? He's not ugly, he's just not what you envisioned. That's so unlike you to mention someone's looks. Don't be like that." "Sorry."