Crotchular Heat Exchange

written February 16, 2009


This sounds like it may be about sex - but it's not. Well, not exactly. Maybe a little.

I got a text message from Oddo in NY the other day that read: "You should write something about that exchange of crotch heat, its funny. I think about it when ever I sit down on the subway."

What he's talking about is something I told him a while back. It goes like this:

Let's say for example you are work, and something goes wrong with your computer and you call up the IT guy to come fix it. Let's say that the IT guy comes and sits in your chair to fix the problem. Let's say the IT guy weighs about 300 pounds, give or take. Doesn't matter - the weight really isn't the issue. It happens with anyone, fat or skinny. BUT - bigger people do give off more heat, more rapidly. Let's say that said IT guy sits in your chair for a good twenty minutes - fixes your problem - then you sit in the chair to resume working.

Yet - something is a little disturbing. Your chair, when you sit, is not just a little "used" feeling. Not a little warm either. No. It's HOT. It's hot from stranger crotch. Well, in my case the guy isn't a stranger - but his crotch heat and my crotch have never had an exchange before, in any way, whatsoever. Until now. And it's disturbing.

In thermal physics, heat transfer is the passage of thermal energy from a hot to a colder body. Heat transfer always occurs from a hot body to a cold one, a result of the second law of thermodynamics.

This means MY slightly cool crotch is ABSORBING the heat from his HOT crotch, thus now making MY crotch hot - and thus - severely fucking with my head.

Because welcome or not - the exchange is sexual - and there's no getting around it. It's weird and uncomfortable. You want to pull down your pants and fan yourself. Shake out the panties and remove all unwanted heat. You WANT to do this, but you can't. Because you're in your office and you have work to do. SO - you sit there and let physics run it's course and twinge and shudder at the unwanted thoughts that are creeping into your head because your crotch satisfied and comfy with it's newfound warm and coziness. "NO! Bad Crotch! No! No!" Then you pop out of your chair and go get a drink. Shudder and shake a leg. Yeaulllch!

Oddo says this happens to him on the Subway. When he told me this I imaged what it would be like if the person that was sitting there before me was attractive. This exchange never happened to me on the subway. What if I had been eyeballing some hot guy - then he got up and then I stole his seat - and then…

And then I was secretly, shamefully "comfortable". Yeah, we'll call it comfortable. Because "aroused" isn't the right word. It doesn't affect me to THAT level. It only affects me to the level of putting thoughts into my head - with a touch of added heat. A touch of realism to spice up the fantasy.

I imagine looking at me: Sitting there with a glazed look in my eye and a tarded smile. Crossing my legs back and forth with my private, pervy little secret…

I just screwed up all of you - for the rest of your chair-sharing lives. Enjoy!