Once You Birth It ...

written March 4, 2010




I know I've talked about this before, but I can't remember if I've written about it. 

Our bodies make things. Fluids, phlegm, sweat, urine, dook and babies… and I think a universal rule applies to all these things. The rule is: Once it leaves the body it can never break the barrier of re-entering. Almost everyone agrees with me on this. But there are exceptions. 

It is acceptable to touch your own loogie with your tongue while it’s still in your mouth. That’s not gross. Why? Because it’s still a part of you. It’s still a part of this fluid-y, fleshy blob of DNA, bones and goop that make a human being.

It’s acceptable to pick your nose and let the tip of your finger touch a slimy boog in your own warm nose. That part isn’t gross. Not yet.

The problem comes once these things become airborne. The minute they are birthed, the minute their temperature drops to meet the air around them; this is when they become disgusting little entities of their own. 

This is when they are not allowed back. The more seconds that pass that the booger sticks to your finger, hardening and forming a personality, the more repulsive it becomes. Get it OFF you!

Kids don’t understand this. Some eat their boogers. Some – mostly little boys - would do things like spit loogies in the air and catch them again in their own mouths. Or see how far they could slowly drop/stretch a loog before sucking it back in. Or sometimes it’s not kids; it’s the drunk guy at a party in high school who drank his own piss for $50. Anyway, it’s something that girls seem to understand as WRONG way before boys.

Oddo added to this once saying he feels similar about women’s hair. It’s so beautiful and soft when it’s still attached, but on it’s own… all wet and stuck to other things in clumps – it’s just a filthy mess.

Now… it gets a little confusing when we think about fluids from other people. For some reason, if you’re attracted to someone, it’s okay if they stick their tongue in your mouth… and so forth …and so on…

But no matter how kinky your thoughts just became, I’m guessing not many couples enjoy sitting around trajectory spitting into each other’s mouths. 

I’m just saying. There’s a rule. Like all rules, there are exceptions, but the basic, common principles are the same. If you excrete, emit, ooze, leak or expel something from inside your own body into the atmosphere – there’s usually no coming back.